Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
