all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
