threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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