You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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