he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Im part way to drunk.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
