did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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