You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
