is your mom at the bar?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
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