thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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