She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
