I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
