I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
