Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
