lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
