I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
