Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
