you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
