I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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