The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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