if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She needs sedatives and a leash
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
