he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
