That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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