dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
