You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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