oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
