I cockslap morals
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We need to get me chipped asap
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
