apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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