OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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