she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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