Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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