my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
