so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
