thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
