he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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