apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
