i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
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Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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