You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
