Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
