Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
