just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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