you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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