So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
