Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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