the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
