Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
