I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
