just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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