Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
