Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
