Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
