do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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