Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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