No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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