I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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