Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
