I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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