Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
