I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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