Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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