Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
