Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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