Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
