pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
