im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
