Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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