Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
