Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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