We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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